mindlace

This break I tried to wean myself from citalopram, as I felt that the nurse who prescribed it to me a year or so had made a misdiagnosis. She thought I had PTSD, and also suggested I have an “addictive personality”. Well, whatever I may have had previously, I certainly have an addiction now.

I lost all sense of time, to the point where I fucked up pretty much every arrangement to meet anybody I made all week. I had repeated perceptual distortions that amounted to fuzzy bubbles growing and shrinking on things, particularly in my peripheral vision. I additionally had the mental sensation of wavelets passing through my head, something like what I feel during the onset of fast acting psychoactives. This was, unfortunately, disorienting.
Additionally I was far more irritable and critical, two characteristics I don’t particularly care to express.
Finally, I had the traditional symtoms of crushing despair, utter worthlessness, and intense self-consciousness, symptoms I find tractable on account of having experienced them so much as a teen.
As much as I enjoy the occasional refreshing dip in nihilism, I do have to operate motor vehicles and keep a schedule, so I have been back on the citalopram (and feeling normal) since yesterday. I suppose I could take this as evidence that I need the prescription, but I must confess that when I started seeing the psychiatrists I felt pretty darn happy and experienced no hallucinations, so it is hard for me to conclude that my current dependency is evidence for past infirmity.