mindlace

When I was young, I believed I was the me that lived in the moment: that “I” was synonymous with the brain activity that is causing these words to be written. What transpired, however, is that the I that I am now is remarkably variable and incoherent, and I repeatedly found myself in painful emotional and physical experiences.

One of the more painful experiences was when I decided to commit suicide by eating a box of sleeping pills. While I was under the influence of the pills, I felt my heart slow and stop. What followed was a moment of preternatural lucidity, where I felt like I’d stepped aside from my body and could see where I had been, and where I could be; where the whole of my life seemed my I. I called this self the “ur” self.

This new concept of self was tremendously liberating; I needed not to play so heavily in the moment, as I was more than just now, and if I stayed open and aware I could learn the will of and act in accordance with the whole of my life.

As part of my quest to figure out what was real, I started first to find a way to tell things apart. This eventually lead to a view that processes are more fundamental than objects; In [the distance of difference][a] this heuristic is used to discuss time; In [incarnate and discarnate][b] I talk about the phenomenal experience of difference, and how it relates to what is and isn’t. You could consider it a kind of weak platonism, perhaps.

[a]: http://mindlace.net/index.php?p=6
[b]: http://mindlace.net/index.php?p=8

Applying this perceptual framework to my notion of an ur self has led me to the understanding that the patterns that make up my life to some degree have greater commonality with other, similar patterns being enacted than they do to my life itself, and that inasmuch as they *do not*, those patterns will cease to be when my life ends.

So when I behave archetypicaly, I shed the bonds of this mortality and become unified with all it has been and will be. This is not some high-falutin’, heavy ritual notion of ‘archetype’; anything that recurs has some sort of archetype, so you can be One With The Teeth Brushing.

That being said, there are certainly more or less interesting archetypes to bring your body into participation with.

Taking this step makes me feel like I’m taking a step out of solitude and into an inviolate community whose effects echo throughout the ages; we are The Lover, The Magi, The Cook. Everyone who shares these things with your temporary body is a reflection of yourn multiplicity.

Because those patterns are also expressed by others, it shows that they are more degenerate patterns than those expressed only by you. The consequence of this degeneracy is existence in more multiverses than the youse who behaved in a pattern that was more specific to the particular circumstances of a body.

It also meant for me that I could finally be joyful about my eventual death; I am enthusiastic about the future of my participatory patterns with or without this body locus.

Thus, selflessness is the logical behaviour for any individual sufficiently selfish as to want to live forever by not dying.

Caveat lector; the next obvious behaviour is to encourage selflessness in others.